wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
