I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
