Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
