I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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