I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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