Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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