If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
