you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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