I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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