If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
