i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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