I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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