i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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