I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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