ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
