so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
