You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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