Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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