see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ladies don't puke and tell
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
