Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
