I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My Higher Power is John Stamos
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
