I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
