Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
