Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
