I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
