Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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