Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
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Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
