I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
