god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
