Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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