As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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