The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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