started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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