Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
