We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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