I'm jealous of your bromance
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize