i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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