I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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