Are we in a gay sports bar?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
