you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
