I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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