everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
