It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
