# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
