Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
