You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
