the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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