party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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