the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
