So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
