Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
