Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
