First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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