I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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