He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
