the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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