i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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