so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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