walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
