boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
