I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
and you fell through a lawn chair
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
