Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
