Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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