Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
