last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
