Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
