see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
