somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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