That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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